We’ve all been there. Someone you know is going through a difficult time in their life. Perhaps they’ve had a significant loss, such as a death in the family, recently lost their job, are in the midst of a painful breakup, or are experiencing any of the other 40+ life events that can lead to grief.

Instinctively, you want to offer comfort, but it may be difficult to know how to respond. You may struggle to find the right words. You might be afraid to say anything for fear of causing further upset. How can you SAY the right thing? You wonder, “what should I say?” My suggestion is to LISTEN!

Some say that the path from inner turmoil begins with a friendly ear.
My ear is open if you care to use it.

Master Splinter, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

There have been numerous books written on the subject of listening. Celeste Headlee, a radio talk show host and author, has been interviewing and listening to people for decades. She recounts what occurred when a close friend’s father died. Click to read an enlightening article written by her named “The Mistake I Made with My Grieving Friend“.

Additionally, Celeste presented a humorous yet important Ted Talk on the subject of “10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation“. Click to watch the talk and pay close attention to #6.

The next time you are in the presence of someone you know is grieving, pay attention to your reaction. Many of us, instead of truly listening, tto just be waiting for our turn to speak or share our own experiences. Take note of how often you respond to stories of loss and struggle with stories of your own experiences. Then, try something new and make an effort to listen instead of waiting for the opportunity to share your own story.

Stay tuned for Part Two post on “What (not) to Say!”